Month: December 2022

May 2018. Doug McCulley, doug.newjersey@yahoo.com.
Originally written at the unexpected death of a dear uncle, Ronald Gunlock.

To those who grieve: 

Your hurt is so severe 
because your love for him, and 
his love for you, was dear and deep.

No words can make it better, but it may help to know that 
grief is experienced in waves.  

Grief is like being on a sunny deck of a ship, but then the ship suddenly evaporates, and you are thrown into a cold ocean without warning.  

There is a shock, a disorientation, a disbelief as one tries to grasp the reality of the cold water and the need to come to the surface to breathe.  

Even though you are wearing a floatation device and able to catch your breath for a moment, large waves sweep you under again and again.  Sometimes you are aware of others, who like you, are making every effort to stay at the surface just to find air.  

You try to reach to help them and they to help you— but the waves and currents conspire to have alternating moments of being alone again in the cold and other times holding onto others as they too struggle for air.  

Between the crashing waves of pain you may experience a numbness— a bizarre, calm, quiet emptiness in midst of great emotional turmoil. 

As you all try to help each other back to the safety, 
it becomes a process of enduring the waves– waves that sometimes catch you off guard, other times you see them coming.  

Sometimes the waves push you toward solid ground, other times it feels as if you are as far away as you were in the beginning.  

Grief comes in waves.  Even if you are aware that the ship is going to sink, and believe you are prepared for what is about to happen, once you are thrown into the water, you are in a battle with the waves of grief.

And there will be a day that you will begin with a few hours NOT thinking of your loss, but then the wave will come, and you may even feel guilty for briefly feeling somewhat normal.  

There will be moments of “I need to be sure to tell him this or that” then realizing he is beyond our words.  Later that will become a frustrated, “O, how I wish he were here to see or hear this.”

The pain will lessen. It will become more like an ache— a strange mixture of emptiness, sadness, gratitude, and joyous confidence.  However, even then, be warned that there will be unexpected waves of oppressive grief that may last a few seconds— or all day.

We take some comfort in all our memories, 
       the lives he touched, 
              the people he encouraged— 

However,
       Our assurance, our hope, our foundation
              is that he is waiting 
                      in the glorious presence of God Himself.  

All of mankind’s greatest thoughts and conceptions of all time, all added together would not fill a second of God’s eternity. 

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 
and no mind has imagined what God has prepared 
for those who love Him.

May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself 
and God our Father, 
who has loved us and given us 
eternal comfort and good hope by grace, 
comfort and strengthen your hearts.

– 2 Corinthians 2⁹  & 2 Thessalonians 5^{16 & 17}

To our loved one who is with the Lord

We believe that “in heaven, God Himself wipes away every tear. 
There is no death, or mourning, or crying, or pain.” (Revelation 21.4)

Time has passed since you went to be in the arms of our Lord and
you have no painful memories of this horrific ordeal.
If you have any memory of your illness at all,
You may remember the kindness of caring doctors and nurses,
but not the treatment.
Perhaps you remember the love in our eyes,
but not the sorrow and tears.
You may remember your devoted family watching over you,
but not our pain and fears.

We have regrets— you have none.
We feel cheated— you do not.
We feel crushed— you have been set free in eternity.
We miss you so much— you are perfectly content.
We may have doubts and fears— you are secure your Savior’s arms
wrapped in our prayers, wrapped in our love.

There is no time, no beginning nor end,
no calendars, nor birthdays, or anniversaries there in Eternity.
But on this side, dates and seasons are reminders of joyous times
and times of loss and grief.

We are glad that you were set free from your mortal shell…
But you are loved and missed … Not more today than other days—
But today the calendar makes us face vividly that you are not with us.

We are more keenly aware of mixed feelings:
pain and hope, sadness and comfort, grief and gratitude.
In truth, the date of your death, is now your birthday—
Your first day in Eternity.

So often the moments continue to come when we just wish you were here—
But we hold to God’s assurance that
One day the Lord, Himself,
will Reunite us in His Glory.