Golden Corollary

We live in strange times.

In some ways we are so spoiled, entitled.  

The comforts of the modern age with so much available to us immediately 

make us often think along the lines of 

“I shouldn’t have to wait or be inconvenienced“ or “I deserve … “ 

Another part of entitlement that we have all been guilty of at least once or twice:  

When someone else does something outside the rules, 

we want enforcement.  

If I do the same thing, 

I want exemption.

In contrast to that, 
we also can BE TOO HARD on ourselves.  

Some people need to learn ‘to give themselves the same grace that they would give others.  

I call this the ‘Golden Corollary.’  

= = = = = 

I was attending a conference with a friend.  I was driving, we were talking, and I missed a turn, so we had to do just 5-6 minutes of back tracking.  For some reason I found myself mentioning my faux pas a few times at the conference.  At some point I stopped and thought it through.  

“If instead my friend was driving and we made the same mistake, when would I have let it go?  As soon as we found the place to turn around!  Would I have mentioned it at all?  No!  In fact I might not even remember it happened.  Why did I feel like I had to confess a non consequential mistake that no one would care about?  Because I had not learned to give myself the same grace as I give others.”  

= = = = 

If you tend to hold onto guilt or shame, 

Here is a good exercise: 

What if a good friend (sibling, child, etc.) was in a similar situation…  

What would you tell them?  

This is probably fairer, more compassionate, and more balanced than your typical response.  

It is probably much closer in content and tone of voice to 

what our Friend and Savior would say 

than the harsh tone of self-condemnation 

that some people seem to battle.  

And yes for some mistakes, you might tell a friend,

“You really messed up.  You need to apologize and make it right…. “ 

but you would still do it with a tone of love and compassion.  

They would still know that you were for them not against them.

= = =

If you tend to keep thinking about mistakes 

long after others have forgotten them, 

you need to practice the 

‘Golden Corollary—

do unto yourself with the same grace you give to others.’

See Dealing with Mistakes

When God walked this earth there are 3 times we know of that He wept:

1.   John 11:35, with those grieving Lazarus death; 

2.   Luke 19:41, sorrowing over Jerusalem; and  

3.   Hebrews 5:7-9,  the writer is apparently
referring to the Garden experience when Jesus said
“Father, if it is possible, remove this cup from me.”

A recent message was about John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible,
“Jesus wept.”
It is apart of the story of Jesus arriving in Bethany shortly after Lazarus’ death.
Mary, Martha, and others were weeping in sorrow.

I am still astounded that Jesus didn’t just say, 
“Stop crying, it’s going to be all good in 20 minutes at the most.”  

That’s how men typically deal with emotions.  We try to fix it, first.  We want everything to be okay and sometimes say, “It’s okay” when it isn’t or “Just calm down.”

If we can’t fix it, we try to explain it often with silly platitudes.  Even a scripture verse can become a platitude— trying to explain something tragic with just a ‘have faith’ or ‘God works all things for good’ type Bible verse.  

And if we can’t explain, we just deny or ignore that someone is upset or that there is a problem.

Back to the story.
Jesus response to the those weeping?
“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping,
he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.”

Jesus inspired Paul’s command, 
         Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep, Romans 12:15.  

Seeing their deep sorrow,
He did not say, “Don’t cry. It will be okay.”
He was deeply affected by their grief and there it is–
“Jesus wept.”

One of the hardest acts of humility is to just be with someone and 
Just Be —
         letting go of thinking about past or future; 
                  not thinking about what you are going to say; 
                           without being impatient; 
                                    not fixing the problem or giving advice;
                                             letting go of your own agenda.

Another factor is that even if we are maturely walking in grace, 
we all carry around at least some unhealthy guilt, shame, fears, and pride.  

Jesus wasn’t burdened with those things and was free to just be.

The deeper we walk in grace, the more we are unencumbered with dysfunctional guilt, shame, pride, and fear the more we are able to stay in the moment and just be with someone.

Another thought
John wrote, 
“For whoever does not love their brother and sister, 
whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen,” 1 John 4:20.
I wonder then—
if we can’t give full attention to our brother or sister and
just be there with them, how can we learn to give God our full attention? 

For Rena, our loved one who is with the Lord,

We believe that “in heaven, God Himself wipes away every tear.  
There is no death, or mourning, or crying, or pain.” (Revelation 21.4)

Time has passed since you went to be in the arms of our Lord and 
 you have no painful memories of this horrific ordeal.
If you have any memory of your injury at all, 
You may remember the kindness of caring doctors and nurses, 
      but not the treatment.
Perhaps you remember the love in our eyes, 
      but not the sorrow and tears.
You may remember your devoted family watching over you,
      but not our pain and fears.

We have regrets— you have none.
We feel cheated— you do not.
We feel crushed— you have been set free in eternity.
We miss you so much— you are perfectly content.
We may have doubts and fears— you are secure your Savior’s arms 
wrapped in our prayers, wrapped in our love.

There is no time, no beginning nor end,
no calendars, nor birthdays, or anniversaries there in Eternity.
But on this side, dates and seasons are reminders of joyous times
and times of loss and grief.

We are glad that you were set free from your mortal shell…
But you are loved and missed … Not more today than other days—
But today the calendar makes us face vividly that you are not with us.

Today, this date, reminds us and 
we are more keenly aware of mixed feelings:
pain and hope, sadness and comfort, grief and gratitude.

So often the moments continue to come when we just wish you were here—
But we hold to God’s assurance that 
One day the Lord, Himself, 
will Reunite us in His Glory.

Doug McCulley, Scotch Plains, New Jersey adapted for March 21, 2023

May 2018. Doug McCulley, doug.newjersey@yahoo.com.
Originally written at the unexpected death of a dear uncle, Ronald Gunlock.

To those who grieve: 

Your hurt is so severe 
because your love for him, and 
his love for you, was dear and deep.

No words can make it better, but it may help to know that 
grief is experienced in waves.  

Grief is like being on a sunny deck of a ship, but then the ship suddenly evaporates, and you are thrown into a cold ocean without warning.  

There is a shock, a disorientation, a disbelief as one tries to grasp the reality of the cold water and the need to come to the surface to breathe.  

Even though you are wearing a floatation device and able to catch your breath for a moment, large waves sweep you under again and again.  Sometimes you are aware of others, who like you, are making every effort to stay at the surface just to find air.  

You try to reach to help them and they to help you— but the waves and currents conspire to have alternating moments of being alone again in the cold and other times holding onto others as they too struggle for air.  

Between the crashing waves of pain you may experience a numbness— a bizarre, calm, quiet emptiness in midst of great emotional turmoil. 

As you all try to help each other back to the safety, 
it becomes a process of enduring the waves– waves that sometimes catch you off guard, other times you see them coming.  

Sometimes the waves push you toward solid ground, other times it feels as if you are as far away as you were in the beginning.  

Grief comes in waves.  Even if you are aware that the ship is going to sink, and believe you are prepared for what is about to happen, once you are thrown into the water, you are in a battle with the waves of grief.

And there will be a day that you will begin with a few hours NOT thinking of your loss, but then the wave will come, and you may even feel guilty for briefly feeling somewhat normal.  

There will be moments of “I need to be sure to tell him this or that” then realizing he is beyond our words.  Later that will become a frustrated, “O, how I wish he were here to see or hear this.”

The pain will lessen. It will become more like an ache— a strange mixture of emptiness, sadness, gratitude, and joyous confidence.  However, even then, be warned that there will be unexpected waves of oppressive grief that may last a few seconds— or all day.

We take some comfort in all our memories, 
       the lives he touched, 
              the people he encouraged— 

However,
       Our assurance, our hope, our foundation
              is that he is waiting 
                      in the glorious presence of God Himself.  

All of mankind’s greatest thoughts and conceptions of all time, all added together would not fill a second of God’s eternity. 

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 
and no mind has imagined what God has prepared 
for those who love Him.

May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself 
and God our Father, 
who has loved us and given us 
eternal comfort and good hope by grace, 
comfort and strengthen your hearts.

– 2 Corinthians 2⁹  & 2 Thessalonians 5^{16 & 17}

To our loved one who is with the Lord

We believe that “in heaven, God Himself wipes away every tear. 
There is no death, or mourning, or crying, or pain.” (Revelation 21.4)

Time has passed since you went to be in the arms of our Lord and
you have no painful memories of this horrific ordeal.
If you have any memory of your illness at all,
You may remember the kindness of caring doctors and nurses,
but not the treatment.
Perhaps you remember the love in our eyes,
but not the sorrow and tears.
You may remember your devoted family watching over you,
but not our pain and fears.

We have regrets— you have none.
We feel cheated— you do not.
We feel crushed— you have been set free in eternity.
We miss you so much— you are perfectly content.
We may have doubts and fears— you are secure your Savior’s arms
wrapped in our prayers, wrapped in our love.

There is no time, no beginning nor end,
no calendars, nor birthdays, or anniversaries there in Eternity.
But on this side, dates and seasons are reminders of joyous times
and times of loss and grief.

We are glad that you were set free from your mortal shell…
But you are loved and missed … Not more today than other days—
But today the calendar makes us face vividly that you are not with us.

We are more keenly aware of mixed feelings:
pain and hope, sadness and comfort, grief and gratitude.
In truth, the date of your death, is now your birthday—
Your first day in Eternity.

So often the moments continue to come when we just wish you were here—
But we hold to God’s assurance that
One day the Lord, Himself,
will Reunite us in His Glory.

Are You Drawn or Driven?

Consider this question:

What motivates you— Are you drawn or driven?

In general driven-ness in certain short-term situations is necessary (driven to meet a deadline or correct a problem) but as a lifestyle if someone is driven it a negative.
If someone is driven to succeed, he will end up using people.  If one is driven by pain, selfish passion, guilt, revenge, fear, hate, shame, etc. then life becomes toxic.

In contrast consider being drawn to something.

Some have pointed out that humanity is so often drawn to 3 qualities:
truth, beauty, and goodness.
Humanity at its best is when we are drawn by these qualities.

Being drawn to something good is a life of adventure.

And it is not by accident that Jesus said,
         “And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself…”

This and other I AM statements of Jesus indicate things that draw us, invite us to Him

    I AM the Bread of Life (John 6:35, 6:41, 6:48)

    I AM the light of the world. (John 8:12, John 9:5)

    I am the gate for the sheep. (John 10:7,9)

I am the good shepherd. (John 10:11,14)

    I am the resurrection and the life. John 11:25

You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 13:13

    I am the way and the truth and the life 14:6

    I am the true vine 15:1 15:5

The enemy uses drives to get us off balance, tempt us with the wrong things.  He uses fear, guilt and shame to drive us.  He entices us with temptations to drive us— “You must, you have to, you’re missing out…”  etc.
Humanity is at its worse when it is driven by hatred, fear, greed, power, jealousy, pride, revenge, etc.

The Philippians 4:8 Principle

Are you living your life being drawn to
“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable?”
Remember:
“If anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

 

---

Questions for Reflection, Application & Discussion

Share a recent example of being drawn to something good, beautiful or honest.

Repeating: “In general driven-ness in certain short-term situations is necessary (driven to meet a deadline or correct a problem) but as a lifestyle if someone is driven it a negative.”

What do you notice about yourself when you become driven because of a problem or deadline?

What were we made for?
To know God.

What should our life’s goal be?
To know God.

What is the eternal life that Jesus gives?
Knowing God.

What allows man to be fully human?
Knowing God.

This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.  — Jesus, John 17:3

But whatever things were gain to me, those things
I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of
the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
—Apostle Paul, Philippians 3:7-8

The Privilege Of Knowing God

It is a tragedy that many people go through life without ever becoming acquainted with their Creator. To overlook that relationship is to miss the purpose for our existence and the greatest privilege available: knowing God. Even Christians can undervalue the honor of getting to know Christ more intimately.

Paul’s all-consuming passion to know God caused him to count everything else as worthless in comparison to that tremendous blessing. Though believers can accept Christ as their Savior, faithfully serve Him, and anticipate being with Him in heaven, many have no hunger to know Him right now. How can we be satisfied with simply being saved and have so little interest in the most gratifying relationship available to us? Pursuing Christ with passion requires sacrifice—spending time with the Lord, surrendering our will, and knowing Him through suffering. Although salvation is a free gift and the rewards are invaluable and eternal, intimacy with God is a costly process.

Our culture floods us with distractions that can fill our minds and hearts, leaving us indifferent about developing a deeper relationship with Christ. Some people even substitute learning facts about the Lord for knowing Him relationally.

Find what is hindering your passion for God. Consider ways to carve out time each day to be alone with Him. As you go about your routine, seek His guidance and listen for His voice. You, too, will eventually count everything else as rubbish compared to knowing Christ.

Quotes from J.I. Packer, author of Knowing God

Whatever else in the Bible catches your eye, do not let it distract you from Him.

Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life’s problems fall into place of their own accord.

The healthy Christian is not necessarily the extrovert, ebullient Christian, but the Christian who has a sense of God’s presence stamped deep on his soul, who trembles at God’s word, who lets it dwell in him richly by constant meditation upon it, and who tests and reforms his life daily in response to it.

Confidence that one’s impressions are God-given is no guarantee that this is really so, even when they persist and grow stronger through long seasons of prayer. Bible-based wisdom must judge them.

How can we turn our knowledge about God into knowledge of God? The rule for doing this is simple but demanding. It is that we turn each Truth that we learn about God into matter for meditation before God, leading to prayer and praise to God.

The Life of true holiness is rooted in the soil of awed adoration.

He that has learned to feel his sins, and to trust Christ as a Saviour, has learned the two hardest and greatest lessons in Christianity.

Jesus defines eternal life as knowing God (John 17:3).
What are the ways? In how many different ways can we know God, and thus know eternal life?
Here are some thoughts.

1. The final, complete, definitive way, of course, is Christ, God Himself in human flesh.
2. His church is His body, so we know God also through the church fellowship, instruction, worship, etc.
3. The Scriptures are the inspired record of God’s revelation.
4. The Spirit of God is His active presence here on earth.
5. Scripture also says we can know God in nature see Romans 1. This is an innate, spontaneous, natural knowledge. I think no one who lives by the sea, or by a little river, can be an atheist.
6. Art (beauty) also reveals God.
7. Conscience, trained properly is the voice of God.
   {5-7 are natural. 1-4 are supernatural. 5-7 reveal three attributes of God,
   3 things the human spirit seems to be drawn to: truth, beauty, and goodness.
   God has filled His creation with these three things.]
   Here are six more ways in which we can and do know God.
8. By Reason— reflecting on nature, art, or conscience, one can come to know some things about the nature of God.
9. Experience, life, your story, can also reveal God. You can see the hand of Providence there.
10. The collective experience expressed in literature, also reveals God. You can know God through others’ stories, through great literature.
11. Mature believers reveal God. They are advertisements, mirrors, ‘imitators of Christ’.
12. Our ordinary daily experience of doing God’s will will reveal God. God becomes clearer to see when the eye of the heart is purified: “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.”
13. Prayer meets God—ordinary prayer. You learn more of God from honest confession of one’s concerns, failures, thoughts, etc.

---

 

Questions for Reflection, Application & Discussion

How often each day are you intentionally thinking about knowing God?

Which of the Scriptures or Quotes from J.I. Packer jumped out at you? why?

Are there any of the 13 Thoughts about how God may reveal Himself that may be especially helpful for you this week?

Paul wrote “For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him.” (Colossians 1:19 NIV) and (although there is some debate but most scholars identify Paul as the writer of Hebrews) “In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, Whom He appointed heir of all things, and through Whom also He made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful word.” (Hebrews 1:1-3 NIV).

We come to know God essentially and most clearly by knowing the Son!  Reading the gospels must always be primarily about how one can understand and get to know Jesus better.